Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question


Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question: 

Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ? 

UNIX consul: Yes, that's correct. 

Customer: No, what is it ? 

UNIX consul: Yes. 

Customer: So, which is the one ? 

UNIX consul: No. 'which' is used to find the program. 

Customer: Stop this. Who are you ? 

UNIX consul: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about yoo. 

Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ? 

UNIX consul: Use 'what'. 

Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true? 

UNIX consul: No. 'true' gives you 0. 

Customer: Which one? 

UNIX consul: 'true' gives you 0. 'which program name' 

Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it? 

UNIX consul: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code. 

Customer: I want to find the revision code. 

UNIX consul: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'. 

Customer: Which command will do what I need? 

UNIX consul: No. 'which command' will find 'command'. 

Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that. 

UNIX consul: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system. 

Customer: Write what? 

UNIX consul: No. 'write that'. 'what program'. 

Customer: Cut that out! 

UNIX consul: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options. 

Customer: Do you always do this? 

UNIX consul: 'du' will give you disk usage. 

Customer: HELP! 

UNIX consul: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System. 

Customer: You make me angry. 

UNIX consul: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once. 

Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more. 

UNIX consul: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'. 

Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now! 

UNIX consul: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not
allowed but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name. 

Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC. 

UNIX consul: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team... 

This month's humor was submitted by Roger Frank of the Colorado Linux Users and Enthusiasts. He only takes the
blame for submission, not authorship - but it's good enough to get a 6" Tux. Thanks for the submission, Roger. 

The Humor section is for enjoyment only and is not intended to offend anyone. If you are offended, please let us know. If
you have a good joke, Linux-related or not, send it to us at newstips@linuxmall.com - we pay for submissions!

Copyright © 1996-2008 by Dr. Nikolai Bezroukov. www.softpanorama.org was created as a service to the UN Sustainable Development Networking Programme (SDNP) in the author free time. Submit comments This document is an industrial compilation designed and created exclusively for educational use and is placed under the copyright of the Open Content License(OPL). Original materials copyright belong to respective owners. Quotes are made for educational purposes only in compliance with the fair use doctrine.

Standard disclaimer: The statements, views and opinions presented on this web page are those of the author and are not endorsed by, nor do they necessarily reflect, the opinions of the author present and former employers, SDNP or any other organization the author may be associated with. We do not warrant the correctness of the information provided or its fitness for any purpose.

Last updated: November 23, 2008