Softpanorama (slightly skeptical) Open Source Software Educational Society

May the source be with you, but remember the KISS principle ;-)

The Micromanagment-induced
Anger Trap

Note 1: Paranoid incompetent micromanagers (PIMM), who successfully combine tight control of minute details/procedures used in performing assignments with compete incompetence are often called "control freaks" (CF). This category of micromanagers represents really nasty beasts of IT jungles who tend to completely paralyze their victims.  They are completely different from PHB on Dilbert cartoons.

In this set of pages that include

• Understanding Micromanagers and Control Freaks
• Fighting Paranoid Incompetent Micromanagers and Control Freaks
• Documenting Micromanager Behavior
• Communication with Corporate Psychopaths
• Coping with the toxic stress in IT environment
• The micromanagment-induced anger trap

we will mainly address this menace. 

Note 2: Good advice about the topic is difficult to come by and depends on your concrete situation: take any recommendations with a grain of salt.

Yes, control freaks are jerks and you are simmering with anger. But you need to remember that society survive only if its members have a commitment to traits like kindness, patience, and forgiveness. That assumption is the cornestone Christian civilization as well as all other major civilizations.

That means that you need to get out of this anger trap and learn to separate out the good constructive feedback from the unrealistic criticism.  Here is some helpful information from Workplace Anger Encyclopedia of Small Business

Old News

Anger

Life presents us with stress, threats (real and imagined), disappointments, and resulting frustration. How we cope with these ever-present elements helps define our personality and how we are perceived by our family, peers, and acquaintances. Controlling our anger is critical. There are two issues. One revolves around controlling your own angry reaction to disappointment, and the other deals with how you react to those subjecting you to their angry reactions to a real or imagined grievance.

Anger can be an extremely negative reaction. Uncontrolled anger can trigger a large number of anti-social behaviors and other negative consequences including violence, crime, spouse and child abuse, divorce, troubled relationships, fouled working conditions, headaches, hypertension, ulcers, heart conditions, emotional problems, etc. Think carefully, how many times has an angry and uncontrolled outburst solved a problem. How many times has an uncontrolled and angry reaction aggravated an already negative situation. Can you recall how you felt when you reacted in anger vs.  a cool and reasoned approach?

If people could act out their angry fantasies with immunity, the incidence of violence would be even greater. A study in the early 80's asked if an individual could eliminate another person by merely pressing a button, and suffer no negative consequence, would they do it? 69% of all males, and 56% of women responded in the positive. What this says about violent fantasies, morality, and the need for laws and punishments is prodigious.  

Societies are essentially collective psyches, and mirror, in many respects, the individual capacity for anger and resulting violent reactions. Hitler's Germany, and the Reign of Terror in Stalin's purge of the 30's, show the capacity of man to hate, discriminate, brutalize, maim, and murder. Understanding and restraining anger, on an individual and collective basis, is critical to determining individual welfare.

What Is Anger?

Anger is feeling mad in response to frustration or injury and expressing yourself in an impulsive manner without thought. You do not like the circumstances and usually you would like to get revenge. Anger is a mixture of emotional, physiological, and cognitive elements. It should be seen as distinct from the behavior it might provoke. In some instances, angry emotions are beneficial in that we take an appropriate and measured response to a real, not imagined threat. 

Anger can be caused by damaged  pride, unrealized expectations, or repeated hostile fantasies. The goal of anger is to accomplish a purpose or to blame others for our own shortcomings (externalizing blame). Anger can be used to justify oppressing others, to elevate our low self-worth, to hide other feelings, and to displace other emotions such as using aggression to hide fear.

Beyond the cognitive and emotional state is actual aggression, or  attacking someone or a group. It's intent is to harm. These attacks can be verbal - threats, insults, sarcasm, or questioning motives-or it can be physical. Fantasies of aggression often precede actual acts.  Hostility is a permanent of anger and antipathy toward people. Rage is when anger, which is episodic, explodes into completely irrational behavior, as in road rage. Frustration can be more legitimate and productive. We are disappointed in ourselves or others, and wish for a different outcome. Frustration may result in positive change or, if it does not result in positive change, it could morph into anger, hostility or rage.  

Assertiveness is different than aggression, and suggests proactive dealing with facts and circumstances in a rational fashion. However, aggression can be cold and calculating. 

Aggression has been classified as either instrumental aggression (to get some reward, not to get revenge), hostile aggression (to hurt someone or get revenge), and annoyance aggression (to stop an irritant). When our aggression results in a complete loss of control and rationality, it becomes rage.

Types of Anger

Behavioral anger consists of assaultive, aggressive, hurtful or rebellious behavior.

• Assaultive behavior implies a physically destructive attack on the perceived source of the anger. Aggression can be verbal and be typified by criticism, fault finding, nagging, whining, sarcasm, prejudice, and imputing immoral motives. Hurtful behavior is typified by gossip, stealing, trouble making, etc. Rebellious behavior reveals open defiance, refusal to talk, in effect, attacking authority in a somewhat subtle fashion.  

• Verbal and cognitive signs of anger include open hatred and insults, expressing contempt, criticism, suspicion, accusing, or name calling.

• While many types of anger are overt, some are slightly suppressed, and reveal themselves in ways different. Veiled anger can emerge as distrust, skepticism, argumentation, irritation, resentment, jealousy, envy, disruption, sullenness, abstinence, cynicism, or adoption of a superior attitude. This can lead or be accompanied by veiled anger in speech patterns. Undermining the credibility of others with catty, untrue remarks are typical of this.

• Tremendously veiled or hidden anger can morph itself into silence, lack of communication, tiredness, anxiety, high blood pressure, heart disease, depression, guilt, self-defeating behavior (resorting to drinking or drugs), submissiveness, crying, or, in its extreme form, paranoid schizophrenia. 

Anger in many cases is not overtly and obviously expressed. It is suppressed. As such, it has been named passive-aggressiveness. Such person engaging in passive aggressiveness may be unresponsive, argumentative, overly nice, play dumb, arrive late, exaggerate the faults of others, and engage in nasty gossip that is hurtful.

Another form of passive-aggressive is perpetual victimhood. Afraid to confront the supposed source of anger, the person feels victimized and feels persecuted. They feel there is nothing they can do to change the situation and accept no accountability.  

Dealing with Anger

Venting or catharsis is a long standing approach. This involves unearthing the emotional traumas and venting the feelings until we can assess the trauma and drain the stored anger.  However, there is considerable debate over catharsis and the nature of venting. If venting works to express the conscious and unconscious emotions for the purpose of feeling better and gaining insight, it might mitigate an unwanted and unproductive emotion. 

Half of our anger is directed at family. This indicates anger may have as much to do with love (or perceptions of unrequited love) than it does with hate.  

Controlling Anger Through Behavior Modification

It is understood that suppressing anger may have as many negative consequences as expressing the anger.  Here are some approaches that social scientists have found helpful.

• Reduce your frustrations by reducing contact with allergens Find the source of your frustration, whether they be people or subjects or situations and attempt to reduce or eliminate your exposure to these negative stimuli.
• Reduce Violent Stimuli in your environment. Choosing to avoid violent and aggressive co-workers is part of this approach. Be very selective with your friends so that they do not goad you into anger and rage.
• Reveal Yourself and Understand Others. Announce you may be having a bad day to others. Attempt to indicate to others they are having a bad day and offer to listen or let them vent. 
• Stop hostile fantasies. Think smooth. Think cool.  Try to find constructive approaches to the issue.
• Do not escalate the violence. Aggressive action on your part may cause an equally aggressive response which starts a vicious cycle.
• Suppress or Convert Your Violent Reaction. Count to ten, take a deep breath, or go work out are variations on this theme. Think of the source of the aggravation and whether a violent reaction will accomplish any purpose other than remorse, which is not a goal.
• Cease using temper to get your way. While successful in the short term, using anger to win points is a losing strategy in the long run.
• Use Stress inoculation. This approach involves awareness of our own irrational fantasies, learning better understanding of why others are weak when they show rage, and rehearsing how to be calm in the face of angering stimulation.
• Disconnect from Frustrating People or Issues or desensitization. Consetrate on alternative avenues of action. try to be popular with other groups of people.
• Consider Meditation and Mild Exercise to relax.

ITworld.com - Defuse workplace anger

According to a Yale University study on workplace anger, the greatest catalyst for employee rage is a real or imagined slight by a supervisor or manager. Next is a perceived lack of productivity by coworkers, followed by tight deadlines and heavy workloads. The study warns that these factors help create "underground chronic anger," an emotion that isn't expressed overtly but nevertheless affects one-quarter of the working population. The ill effects of chronic anger are high job stress, working below potential, and lack of teamwork with peers.

"The individual suffers -- in terms of decrements in happiness, satisfaction and feelings of betrayal, and the organization suffers -- individuals feeling angry put in less overall effort and their stress is likely to have an unknown but potentially substantial impact on effectiveness and productivity," the report concludes.

If a company creates a positive environment -- where workers receive regular and honest appraisals about economic threats, for example -- the likelihood of destructive employee anger is reduced, Bowen says. Mishandled, job pressures will cause "the weakest link" to snap, he says.

How can you overcome the debilitating effects of workplace anger? The first step is an honest self-assessment, says McClure. She describes seven warning signs that your anger or that of an associate is about to spill over:

• Keeping away from others
• Failure to take responsibility for one's actions
• Rigid and controlling behavior
• Acting out anger, or seeing things from a singular point of view
• Talking one way and acting another
• Addictive behavior, used to escape reality
• Actions out of character, done to shock others

Unfortunately, these traits often go unnoticed in a work setting. "When an employee pounds on the desk or swears at somebody, managers often say, 'That's just how they are,' and don't do anything about it," McClure says. Other managers may believe erroneously that outward hostility is simply "creative tension" that can actually lead to better performance. "That's a great rationalization," she remarks. "Today, for all kinds of reasons -- legal risks to companies, demands of the customer, fewer employees to choose from -- we have to make a more attractive workplace," McClure believes.

The first thing to do to keep anger from sapping your productivity and derailing your career is to acknowledge your feelings. "Anger builds because we never said anything [about a problem] in the first place," McClure says. "Go to the person you had the problem with and use your conversational skills to settle the matter."

Employees also should encourage their companies to sponsor formal assistance programs designed to train people how to constructively deal with anger.

Finally, maintain balance in your life. Employees need a combination of love, work, and play to stay healthy, says Bowen. "Work is important, but so is taking time for relationships and play," he says.

With effort, stressed out workers can stay focused on productivity and not pugilism.

Anger Management - Anger Toolkit

Some people are more vulnerable to co-workers/boss mischief than others. They are more likely to take a co-worker's anger personally, (as if it were a true reflection on their worth and dignity as a person) and to overreact accordingly. Paradoxically, the more vulnerable you are, the more likely a co-worker or boss is to sense it and to make mischief with you in the first place. It follows, therefore, that one approach to reducing the amount of mischief you are experiencing on the job is to strengthen those areas of personal vulnerability that have been inviting it. This is how its done:

Phase One

1. The first step in coping with the negative behavior of a co-workers/boss is to identify it properly. To clearly see that, "this is mischief!" The person is doing something that does not need to be done. With a little practice, you will be able to spot mischief a block away and not take it personally.

2. Remember the definition of self-respect. "I'm a worthwhile human being in spite of my faults and imperfections. No one can take that away from me."

3. Catch yourself about to take a co-workers angry remarks seriously, as if it made sense in the real world!

4. Catch yourself about to "reason" him or her out of their anger mischief, as if reason had anything to do with it.

5. This shifting of our emotional gears from our old pattern to a new one, is call disengaging from the mischief. We are NOT ignoring it, or denying that it is going on. We know very well what is going on, only now we have a power we didn't have before the power to choose not to overreact.

6. Identify the underlying purpose of the anger and negative behavior. We do that by identifying the way it is making us feel right now. See understanding negative behavior for an example of this process

7. Armed with insight into the goals and purpose of the negative behavior of our co-worker/boss, we can deduce what kind of response they expect from us; the same kind we have always given them in the past, such as threats, demands, begging, cajoling..."brown nosing" ( these are all forms of our own mischief). They leave us feeling weak, powerless and ashamed in our own eyes. We can let them go, and respond in a self-respecting and appropriate way.

Phase Two

1. We are now free to make a NEW choice in our own behalf instead of overreacting to him/her as we have always done in the past, we can choose to do something unexpected!

Very often, the last thing they expect us to do in these unpleasant situations is to agree with them! We are not agreeing that they are correct in their facts, but merely that they FEEL the way they feel. For example, you can say, "I 'd feel the same way if I were you."

Validate their anger
"I don't blame you for being Angry." This validates him as a person in spite of his imperfections by treating him with respect .

Give them a choice
They can talk to you later when they have cooled off or write you a anger memo. Ask them "what remedy is it that you seek?" or words to that effect.

Agree with them
Agree that it would be nice if they get what they want from you. We didn't say we'd give it to them. When we validate their "preferences", we are validating them as a person in spite of their negative behavior towards us. What we are giving them is some relief from their painful, out of control anger.

When we choose to behave in this new way, we are standing our ground, but not in a hostile, threatening, morally superior way. We are equal members of the human race, and we are letting them know that they have lost their power to provoke us with their "anger mischief" and shenanigans.

It will help us to emotionally disengage from these provocations at work if we can shift our focus from our angry, mischief making co-workers/boss and focus attention on ourselves to make a change in the way we have historically handled these situations. We are so preoccupied with their nonsense, that we often forget that we are a person too. We are no more perfect than they are. We are not morally superior, but are only an imperfect human being as well. This very understanding serves as the basis for self and mutual respect which is the "key" to conflict resolution.

Anger - What It Is, What It Can Do, and How to Manage It

My husband's colleague received a critique of an article he had submitted for publication in a professional journal. The article received a conditional acceptance, meaning that revisions were required for final approval. The review angered the writer and he fired off an angry email to the editor. Obviously he had not given much thought to this action or the result of it -- the editor is requiring the article go through the review process again and the editor has refused to have the angry writer remain as the corresponding author. What causes a person to react in such a self-destructive way and how can we keep ourselves from doing so? First a look at anger and what it is.

What is Anger?

It is a reaction to a real or perceived threat. Our natural response to this emotion is rage. Physiologically, our heart rate speeds up. We may feel our cheeks become flushed and jaws clench. Some of us respond to the feeling of anger by slamming doors, confronting the person who we perceive to have caused our anger, or in this age of speedy computer technology, firing off an angry email. Those who easily fly off the handle are usually aware of this tendency and should take steps to react differently to adverse situations.

Why Control Your Anger?

At the least, anger can cause hurt feelings. It can also make us less productive at work by causing stress which in turn leads to illness and absenteeism. In severe situations, anger can spark physical violence. We increasingly hear of instances of employees "losing it." Workplace violence has been on the rise in recent years. It is important to diffuse your anger before it goes too far. This is especially true in the workplace, where losing your temper can result in termination. When anger turns violent, you may find yourself facing legal action.

It is no surprise that anger can get out of hand. Anger blinds us to all but the focus of that anger. Ever heard the expression "I was so mad, I couldn't see straight." We must learn to use the energy created by our anger in a positive way. Rather that letting it get the best of us, we can channel our anger to make our needs known. That means turning our anger into assertion, not aggression.

Managing Your Anger

When faced with a situation that angers us, it is important to be proactive in dealing with it. Rather than let the anger get the best of us, we must get the best of it. We must take steps to get our anger under control. If that isn't possible, we must be able to determine that and walk away if necessary.

Dealing With The Anger of Others

Anger begets anger, which leads to conflict. When faced with another's wrath, it is a good idea to know how to deal with it. We must keep it from going further. In the workplace we are sometimes faced with hostile customers. It is vital to remember that, although a customer's tirade may be directed at you, the object of his or her emotion is probably the organization which you represent.

If you are a manager, you may also be forced to deal with the anger of your subordinates. Again the object of anger may be your organization. You would be wise to determine its cause and defuse it before it turns violent.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I know of no more disagreeable situation than to be left feeling generally angry without anybody in particular to be angry at.
Frank Moore Colby

Persons with PTSD hold in a lot of anger. It is a free-floating anger with no real target and very subtle causes. It simmers below the surface and can jump out at inappropriate times, aimed at the wrong person for the wrong reasons (displaced anger).

Following a rape, the rape victim is filled with rage. The specific targets of this rage are quite obvious: the rapist, the system that puts the victim on trial, the doctors for their insensitivity, and the list can go on depending on the ordeal the rape victim endures. However, years later, this anger can still exist, simmering just below the surface. And though many argue that the cues to the anger have changed, that the original incident has softened in the mind of the sufferer, that this, that that—it's all "neither here nor there" because there is no logic, no reasoning in a mental disorder: with chronic PTSD, everyone and everything is the cause, and the nearest person or object can be the target.

Normal people get warm, then angry, then angrier, and progress to a state of rage if the stimulus to the anger is not abated. A PTSD sufferer can go from A to Z immediately, especially if s/he’s an ex-soldier. Soldiers are taught to react. They are not taught to think, deliberate, or discuss. They are taught to react, because during war, the distance between life and death is measured in milliseconds and centimeters. When anger strikes, it quickly turns to rage.

Anger Management classes are usually prescribed for PTSD patients, however, the patient might still never arrive at the cause of this anger, as the original cause has faded, leaving only the anger. Learning to deal with this anger is much more productive at this juncture than trying to discover its cause or causes. In a good Anger Management class, the PTSD sufferer can learn that one cannot control one’s initial feeling about something aggravating, however, s/he can control her/his reaction.

Being the target, displaced or not, of this anger is one of the major causes of "secondary PTSD," the disorder suffered by those close to the PTSD sufferer. Oftentimes families walk on eggshells to avoid doing anything to upset the PTSD sufferer. Children, wives, and lovers tend to withdraw and avoid any and all possible confrontation.

Ironically, simply talking about it; sitting down to have a family discussion and bringing their issues to light often relieves the tension PTSD has caused. Partners of PTSD patients must keep alert and note when the anger outbursts increase in intensity and the intervals between them shorten. This is a sure sign that there is something else occurring within the patient and a trip to the therapist is needed.

You can reduce workplace stress by creating and maintaining a good relationship with your supervisor. Here's how.

Do you work for a manager who meets all your expectations? Do you get along well and respect one another's abilities? If you answered yes to both of these questions, consider yourself lucky. If not, don't worry. It's normal to have differences of opinion and style with your manager. You can learn to accept these differences and work with them to limit your workplace stress.

Are your work styles compatible?

Managers have differing styles when it comes to supervising work. Some use a "hands-off" approach and prefer to coach or mentor rather than manage the details closely (micromanage).

The hands-off approach gives you freedom to do your work with minimal supervision. If you're comfortable with such expectations and have the skills to work independently, this approach works well. But the hands-off approach doesn't work for everyone or for every job. You may need more of your boss's input and close supervision to do your best. Whenever there is a mismatch between the amount of supervision you want and the amount you get, you'll feel stressed.

A solution may be found by talking to your supervisor to determine if he or she is open to adjusting the level of supervision you receive. Also, if your company offers a continuing education course in communicating across personality or management styles, consider signing up for it. You'll learn about yourself and how to work successfully with people who have different styles.

How to get along with your supervisor

No matter where you are on the corporate ladder, it's to your advantage to get along well with your supervisor. Many supervisors are easy to work with, but some aren't. Your relationship with your supervisor is probably the most important one you have at work. Why? Having a healthy relationship with your supervisor usually means you're more satisfied with the work you do and have less stress.

Your boss can be a key supporter in helping you achieve your long-term goals. He or she knows your company's goals and knows what the company looks for in future managers and leaders.

You usually can't change your boss's behavior, but you can nurture the quality of the relationship. Here are some tips to keep the relationship healthy.

• Show respect. Even if your boss hasn't yet won your loyalty, he or she is still entitled to your respect. Your boss is responsible for your work and the work of your colleagues. That can be a significant burden. Try to understand the business from your boss's perspective. Try to treat him or her with the respect the position and the responsibility warrant.
   
• Don't be afraid of your boss. Some supervisors can be intimidating, but remember, your boss needs you. Your performance is often key to the success of your boss.
   
• Do your best. Try to live up to the performance expectations set for your job. In doing your best, you'll gain greater satisfaction from your work, earn your supervisor's trust and help the organization achieve its goals.
   
• Give honest feedback. Your supervisor needs you to tell the truth, even if it's unpleasant — and you may have valuable information or questions for your supervisor. Of course, temper your honesty with diplomacy. Choose your words wisely and use a gentle tone. Both should promote and contribute to an environment of mutual respect.
   
• Don't try to hide problems. First, try to solve the problem. If you can't and the problem becomes serious, let your supervisor know as soon as possible. Offer solutions and ask for additional recommendations. Don't let your boss find out about the problem from someone else.
• Break important news fast. If you get pregnant, become seriously ill, need to have surgery or need time off for a family crisis, inform your boss as soon as possible. This gives him or her time to cover your absence.
• Maintain your boundaries. Remember to keep your business relationships about business. However close you may be with your supervisor, he or she is still the boss, and at times that means making unpopular or difficult decisions.
• Be positive. When things go wrong, a positive attitude means a lot to people who work with you, including your boss. Communicate with questions or suggestions, rather than complaints. Volunteer suggestions to mitigate the problem, and don't be offended if they're not always implemented.
• Manage your anger. Blowing up in front of your manager solves nothing, but demonstrates clearly that you can't control your emotions. This doesn't mean you have to sit and stew when you're angry. But learn how to communicate your anger appropriately. If anger management is difficult for you, sign up for a course to help you deal with it.
• Embrace your strengths. If your boss tells you that you're good at something or have done an excellent job on a project, thank him or her and take it to heart. Recognize your own talents and nurture them.
• Face your shortcomings. You can't be skilled in everything you do. Ask your supervisor for advice to help you grow in areas where you're weak. Take his or her advice and make an honest effort to improve.

Do you work with a micromanager?

A micromanager uses a "hands-on" approach to supervising your work. But he or she takes it to the extreme. If you've ever worked with a supervisor who peers over your shoulder while you work or insists you do your work only his or her way, you've experienced micromanagement and probably know how stressful it can be.

At heart, micromanagement is about trust — your supervisor's trust in your ability to get the job done. Here are tips for dealing with a micromanager:

• Make a plan. The first step to confronting micromanagement is to establish trust. Develop a project plan after you receive your next assignment. Make sure you include dates and times you'll report back on your progress.
• Get feedback. Get your boss's feedback on your plan early and reach an agreement on how the project will proceed. Be flexible if your boss makes changes.
• Execute your plan. Follow through on the plan you both agreed on. Meet the deadlines and report back as planned. If your supervisor questions how you did something, you can say, "This is what we agreed on." If you try to reach an understanding with your boss using this technique and it doesn't improve your situation, gently confront him or her by saying, "This isn't working for me." Share your feelings and ask if the two of you can get together to improve the situation. Come prepared with the facts and possible solutions to improving your working relationship, and make your point without being emotional. Again, seek agreement for how you'll work together going forward.

When gaining control is beyond your control

Sometimes there just isn't much that can be done to change your work situation. If that's the case, try focusing on what you may be able to control:

• Focus on the redeeming features of your job. Perhaps the work is exciting or the pay is good, or you like your co-workers.
• Develop good work habits. Arrive on time. Stay positive, even when others are complaining. Be a team player. Know what your supervisor expects of you and meet or exceed those expectations whenever possible.
• Focus on your personal life. Put work in its proper perspective. Ask yourself which is more important — your work life or your personal life. Develop interests and passions outside of work that give you a sense of control and balance — for example, leading a Girl Scout or Boy Scout troop, heading up your local neighborhood association or serving on a committee at your church, synagogue or mosque.

Is it time for a change?

If you've tried some or all of these suggestions and believe that nothing you can do will improve the situation, it may be time to consider seeking employment elsewhere. A mismatch in work demands, personalities, management style and corporate culture are all valid reasons to consider making a change.

The High Costs of Anger in the Workplace, Health and Lifestyle, 1stholistic.com, Holistic Living

Leroy was a superstar in the Real Estate business, producing three times the monthly business of his nearest coworker. He was a driven, highly competitive young man who saw his manager as getting in the way of even higher production.

Tension turned to irritability. Yelling and shouting followed. On the day he was fired, he shoved his manager in front of alarmed coworkers who reported his behavior to HR. Anger management classes were required, along with a one month interim, before reinstatement would be considered.

As this case example illustrates, workplace anger is costly to the employee, the company, and coworkers. Studies show that up to 42% of employee time is spent engaging in or trying to resolve conflict. This results in wasted employee time, mistakes, stress, lower morale, hampered performance, and reduced profits and or service.

In fact, in 1993 the national Safe Workplace Institute released a study showing that workplace violence costs $4.2 billion each year, estimating over 111,000 violent incidents. Further, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, about 500,000 victims of violent crime in the workplace lose an estimated 1.8 million workdays each year.

Clearly, poorly handled anger, frustration and resentment sabotage business productivity. Was Leroy justified in his anger? What skills should he learn to prevent future episodes? What could management have done to better handle the situation?

Skill 1– Anger Management   

Using anger management skills, Leroy can clearly learn to control his behavior and communicate needs in a socially acceptable manner without disruptions to work and morale. The issue here is not if he was justified in being angry; it is how to best deal with normal angry feelings. A key ingredient to managing anger is learning to change “self-talk”-- that internal dialog that creates or intensify angry feelings.

From a management perspective, proper anger management skills can enhance conflict resolution, promote personal growth in the employee, reduce employee stress and promote increased workplace harmony.

Skill 2– Stress management.  

Leroy was clearly under a great deal of stress, much of which was self-imposed. Stress often triggers anger responses.

Learning to effective deal with stress can help prevent anger outbursts, as well as reducing employee “burnout” and hampered performance.

Managers should be alert to stressed employees and recommend help, before things get out of hand. In many companies, HR or EAP (employee assistance professionals) can provide you with resources and referrals.

Skill 3– Emotional Intelligence.   

Popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman, much research shows that increasing “EQ” is correlated with emotional control and increased workplace effectiveness.

What is “EQ” exactly? According to Goleman, it is “the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”

Fortunately, skills to improve your emotional intelligence can be learned by both employees and management. The benefit is increased understanding of yourself and others which directly relates to increased productivity and workplace harmony.

Skill 4– Assertive Communication.  

Communication problems frequently lead to misunderstandings, conflicts with coworkers and hurt feelings which may hamper concentration and work performance.

Assertiveness is not aggression, but a way to communicate so that others clearly understand your needs, concerns, and feelings. It starts with the familiar advice to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements which can sound accusatory, and may lead to defensiveness instead of cooperation.

Other communication improvements include acknowledging the concerns and feelings of others in your interaction with them. And, being more sensitive to what others are saying to you “beneath the surface.”

Skill 5– Forgiveness   

While sometimes workplace anger is manifest in “exploding.” other times it is born of grievances held by employees over any number of workplace issues. Much research shows that learning to forgive and let go of the wrongs done to you can release your anger and resentment. This, in turn, may improve your health, and help you focus on your job instead of your negative feelings.

Is “forgiveness” easy? Of course not. Nor does it mean that you think that whatever happened to you was right, or that you have to like the offending person. What it does mean is “letting go” of the negative feelings you now experience when you remember an negative experience or you encounter the offending person.

Recommended Links

Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

Anger Management - Anger Toolkit

Last updated: June 05, 2008